From Mo's to Memphis

Little Tear Drops

2009-09-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

The Cooper-Young Festival is a time for joy. A time for laughs, kicks, and giggles. Unfortunately for one woman at the festival, who may have endured an excessive amount of alcohol, took it upon herself to push her stroller. In the stroller her young two year old daughter rode down the road, along the sidewalk, and in the middle of the street! Her activity led to an angry audience who went about cursing and yelling at the lonesome lady. As I nervously watched this scene unfold I suppose I anticipated what would occur next.

The mother was stumbling, bumbling, and rumbling down the road when a car almost hit her and the baby. Therefore she smoothly and zealously moved onto the sidewalk, where like a true sidewalk, ended abruptly. The baby then, as I cringed, was immediately dropped on her face. The crowd behind me screamed. One obnoxious teen confronted the mother throwing a few indecent words her way. I refrained from cursing and said a little prayer under my breath. The crowd continued with cursing as they saw her and her child walk down the middle of the road and jump into a pickup truck with had a strong willed significant other at the wheel.

This event left me disappointed. As I finished walking to my car I could still hear the loud crying of small little girl. In fact, I almost felt like crying myself.

And like a productive multitask-er, the mother of the daughter talked on her cell phone during the entire process.

Map My Run

2009-08-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

It is almost time. I glance outside my bedroom window into the darkness. The smell is awful as I timidly unlace my running. The last time I took of these shoes I failed to untie the overpriced footwear due to the one swift motion that occurred as I quickly through them off my feet. Then I uncomfortably maneuvered to my bathroom. Rule #1: Go to the bathroom before running. I look down at my cheap watch. It's 9: 05. Time for my run.
The feelings of relief have already begun. I am not at work. I am not studying for an exam. My feet are hitting the pavement along with the noises of car alarms, people yelling, and rap music from the car adjacent to me. This is definitely Memphis. A car slowly follows me as I head out of the apartment complex and onto my first road. Right turn. I am on my way. I start my watch it quickly begins 00:01, 00:02, 00:03, and so it goes. I do not know why I am timing this. Am I training for the Olympics or something? I guess it is habit.
I would like to say the air is fresh and cool across my face, but that would be a lie. The air is hot and sticks to me like glue. I have sweat forming across my forehead the second I move outside my apartment. This weather sucks, that is all I can say. Left turn down Park Ave. I am a little set back. A car honks. I hear someone shout, "Run, Forrest, Run." What a punk! I hate that movie (Forrest Gump). I can't think of anything less annoying to hear as I run. The street and car lights are comforting in the darkness. It's amazing to me how hot is can be in the south despite it being almost ten at night.

What is up with that? So I run.

Memphis Blues

2009-07-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well after another day of work and rain, I am dry and bored at my new apartment.

The common trend of being bored and being alone here in Memphis continues, as I type.

I am hoping that I can gain some insight tonight as I will start some new books and possibly watch a movie that I have never scene. A few of my friends have gone to Atlanta and my roommate Justin is dog sitting; also many of my friends are at camp this week. Therefore this leads me home alone.

I have to say that I enjoyed a 6 mile run in the rain today out at Shelby Farms. The run was wet, fast, and refreshing. I need to go out to that park more often. Shelby is probably my favorite park in the world right now, and I have been to some good park around the world, too. All and all it was a good day. I finished The Half-Blood Prince this morning and I began reading the 7th book of Harry Potter today at work. I have really enjoyed those books. Man, they are good.

I am not quite sure what makes me so lonely here in Memphis. I have a church. I have a job. I have friends. I have a degree to pursue. I guess it's just that I am never satisfied. I have close friends who are distance. I have tasks that seem above me. I have a passion that seems to be unused. Also of my friends is ignoring me and doesn't seem to mind me missing from his life.
That is a tough one to grasp.

Yet, I press on.

A Biker's Lament

2009-07-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have to say I get pretty disappointed with the city I live in sometimes.

Sometimes I can on my bike and I give the sign to make a right turn and people ignore me completely. The drivers almost seem to enjoy the fact that I am on a slower machine than their arrogant selves. I really hate it! How do these people think? What motivates them to honk their horn at me? I am not quite sure. Maybe they hate me because they do not believe I should bike on "their" road. Maybe they hate me because I am slow. Perhaps they think I am ugly. Okay they probably do not think I am physical unattractive, but seriously what is going on with their lives? Do they get satisfaction at honking at bikers?

I really sense angry in Memphis. People here seem to really not care about the people they drive, eat, or sleep with. Now I have slighted in this view, but I really wish Memphis was a more friendly place to live. I often grow weary of poor attitudes when I travel around this town. Memphis seem to be a dark place.

Memphis needs some light. My experiences have made me bitter toward Memphis, yet they have motivated me to put more energy into making this city a better place. That is why I will continue to bike around here. That is why I will continue to visit new places and meet new people. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day when I bike.

Friendships

2009-06-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Currently life has been turned upside.

At times in April I was never by myself. In May I spent a lot of time alone. Now the question is what will the month of June be like?

Usually I have been a person of extremes. I have been told many times that I am dramatic, emotional, and feminine. These statements were based off of my inability to hold by tears, sarcastic remarks, and emotional driven life choices. My character has been shaped by my friends and family mostly. I have the ability to connect with people because of my compassion, yet my compassion is my weakness and strength. This is tough for me to understand. I love people, yet I do not love myself. I have compassion for the hurting, but do not take care of my own pain. As I write this I can hear my drama.

I do not know what June will be like. My roommate has left and I will be living by myself for the first time in my life. I am not sure if this will be a good or bad test for me, but it will be a test that I want to take. It could be a great time of reconnecting with myself and my God. I pray that this is the truth.

Whatever you do? Wherever you are? Whoever you are?

Test yourself.

So today and tomorrow I urge you,

To Reflect,
To Hope,
To Be.

Cuts

2009-05-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Recently I missed a step and collided with some pavement ground; which, if you have never experienced, hurts.

One of my friends immediately laughed. Another friend said, "Well that is a teachable moment." What is the proper reaction? I am not sure. I did laugh quite a bit, too. Each friend's reaction was appropriate. I definitely learned a lesson; pain teaches. As I observe my lacerations they remind me to be more careful when I walk, bike, and run. Yet, this is not merely a physical lesson.

When I fall it hurts. Sin hurts. Cuts hurt. Blood symbolizes when a vessel is broken. Sin is symbolized by broken relationships. I have taken my falls of late, mostly spiritual ones. I have seen relationships break like glass. It has made me question what sins have occurred? I know I have sins in my life that have hurt relationships.

After I picked myself off the concrete pavement I cleaned myself up. I used soap, water, and bandages. When I sin I also must cleanse myself in confession and change in actions. This has been a trying practice, but a worthy one.

Time heals. My body will heal in time and hopefully my friendships will heal in time.

Favre to Vikings?

2009-05-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

"There is no way I will ever come back again," Brett Favre said in an interview on Feb. 13 2009.

Summer time means Favre drama.

The latest report by ESPN states that later this week Brett Favre will meet privately with the Vikings head coach Brad Childress to discuss the possibility of Brett playing for Minnesota in the 2009 season. The two will most likely decide how much participation with be required of Favre in the mini-camps, the status of his hurting throwing arm, how much longer Favre will play in the NFL, and the Brett's motives for returning for another fair well campaign.

Depressed. Angry. Skeptical.

I hate the Vikings and have for years. They are my least favorite team in sports. Forget the Bears, Cowboys, Yankees, and Cubs dynasties I hate the Vikings far worse. Randy Moss once mooned the Packer fans in a playoff game at Lambeau Field. Darren Sharper and Ryan Longwell both play for the hated Vikings. Now Favre going to Minnesota? I am sick.

For some one as loved as Favre he may now go down as the one of the most hated Packers of all time. He certainly will be helping his stats if he goes to Minnesota but apparently loyalty and honestly are not as important to Favre as to me.

Yet, on the flip side I look at the Minnesota team and they will be incredible with Favre and Peterson in the backfield. Plus Favre knows the whole division. Plus the NFC is weak and his chance to going to the Super Bowl is high. In addition, Favre has never had the best running back in league or even close and now he could have that in Peterson. He will also be playing in a dome so the bad weather will not be as big of a factor. Also Vikings have no super bowls victories. Favre could be a huge icon and idol in Minnesota and Wisconsin, only it may take a few years until Wisconsin takes him back.

Overall I do not have much respect for him as a person for his lack of honesty, but I understand he loves football, he wants revenge on the Packers organization, and he wants to win another Super Bowl.

Cars in Memphis

2009-05-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a state that is Eco-friendly. Many people biked to work, recycled, exercised, ate semi--healthy, oh, and also did not try to hit people who did bike to work.

I am still feeling shock from a few days ago when I was biking down Park on my way to the UPS Store, my humble employer, and I felt the rush of a SUV that was inches away from me at a stoplight.

What is with these people?

Not only was the light red, when the stupid driver passed me, but the genius was so close that I think I lost some hair on my left forearm. It's troubling to think that this genius wanted to get through this light so bad that he would kill someone who was biking. I was stopped at the light for a brief second before the genius zoomed by me. It's troubling to understand that this genius felt it necessary to be going an insane speed down this road.

I am fed up with Memphis' brilliant drivers.

Now I love the city of Memphis and I will be here for several years to come, but what is up with hating people on bikes?

Basically I have concluded that the majority of Memphis is not from Wisconsin. They have grown up throwing everything away always. They have grown up in a poor school system and they have grown up in a worldview that does not encourage healthy habits such as biking to work, and eating less that 10 times a week at McDonald's.

I may not like these facts, but honestly I feel called to be here. Someone needs to give hope to the hopeless? Maybe I will starting a biking revolution here in Memphis. Maybe I will join a running club here in Memphis and encourage others to do so. Maybe with a few baby steps this city will somehow not try to kill me for riding my bike to work. Yet, right wno this city is trying to kill me, but they have not succeeded yet.

So where's my bike? I've got places to be.

Something greater than myself

2009-03-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

Love is a choice.

These four words have been echoing in my head that past few days. Recently I watched my best friend begin a new life. He was married two days ago to a beautiful woman, Michal. I was touched as I watched them kiss, embrace, dance, and give freely to each other. I loved every second of the weekend. From the moments of joy to the moments of jealously to the moments of sadness as I watched them leave.

I could not have been happier. The power of love is that of pure selflessness. When I look on my life the greatest moments are not about me at all. The greatest moments of my life thus far have been all about others; my parents, my sister, my friends, and my faith in something greater than myself. This concept does not make sense.

Shouldn't our lives be great when we succeed?

That is what Hollywood teaches us.

That is what capitalism teaches us.

How crazy we would have to be to want others to succeed, but not ourselves. Maybe I go through school for knowledge, but this knowledge is not for me. The education is for the ability to teach others what I know. Maybe I work to earn money, but the money is useless unless I give it to someone else to pay rent, pay food, and have the ability to give to others in other ways. Maybe I love people not for myself but to have them love me back. Maybe success is not about me at all, but true success is watching others succeed and their success is about watching you give to their success.

Man, I am confused.

Yet, I know my life is not about me.

Love is a choice to give yourself to something greater than yourself.

What is greater than yourself?

Marriage? Education? Church? Money? God?

I am not sure what you think, but all I ask of you is to think about it.

follow

2009-01-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

I am currently slacking on my blogging and for that I apologize. Life has been busy up to this point and with work and graduate classes I have a tendency to over commit myself. I get too involved in too many projects. I have work to do, tests to take, and papers to write. I have books to read for school, work, and and books I just want to read. I have new words to teach myself, yet what is the benefit of truly learning a different language? Well I do not know, yet. I also have over committed myself by going to three different churches and three different bible studies/classes? Why do I do this? Because I love new places, people, and challenges.

I am currently training for a marathon and that is something I have accomplished before and therefore I am so excited about running 26.2 again , but how will I find time to train for this race? So what am I saying?

Over committing is a myth. Under committing is the truth.

I am not truly committed to anything right now. I am a liquid. I am not a solid. I run lose and thin. I am not full and real in anything I am doing. If I really want to make a difference in this world, I must commit. These means I do not make soft statements and white lies. This means I show up consistently and that I am active and involved.

This is what a disciple did for his rabbi.

A disciple follows and drops everything. A disciple denies himself and follows his rabbi. I am not following right now. I am on some abstract road that is only determined by my feelings for this or that subject on a particular day. I have no commitment in my life. This is a sin.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
- Mark 8:34

Praise

2008-11-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

Never has there been a better day to worship God than today.

As I have sat through Bible class, church, and football games today I have come to realize something. God deserves to be praised right now. God has been teaching me to praise him more than ever before. Church has been become more to me today than it has ever been in the past. Before church was a ritual and a job, now I see it as a joyful experience of praise. I am choosing to praise him in my classes trough doing my assignments. I am choosing to praise him as I go work and help old ladies try on their favorite shoe, the Shadow 6000. I am choosing to praise God by reading books that have motivated to learn a different way. I am choosing to praise God for who I am, what I have done, and what I am doing with my life.

I am not perfect. I am not always a committed follower of Christ. Especially in the past few months I have felt extremley far from God. Yet, today I praise him for the goodness in my own being. I choose to praise him for my imperfections and strengths. God is in me. God is moving in my heart, mind, soul,and strength. God is humbling me and for that I am thankful. I am choosing to praise God with how I talk and walk. I am choosing to praise God in the fact that I want to be a friend to the people who are alone.

I am having such a difficult time with myself alone that I am motivated to spend time with everyone and any kind of person. God wants to use me and for that I praise him. Even though at times I felt alone I praise him. God is doing a good work in me and I pray this has been an encouragement to you.

On the edge

2008-11-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

Life can be difficult and since my post about the wilderness I have been moved to write again.
In the past few months I have lost touch at times with my God. In the wilderness trek I was not only was lost from God, but I felt lost from a Christian community. I felt extremely alone. I was distance from the world I new and loved.

In West Africa, where I lived this summer, I become upset at times when looking at the poverty of the world and I questioned how God could allow this to happen. I read a book while being in this state of mind called The End of Poverty and it made me realize I am at fault for the current condition. I am a extremely rich American who has become distance from the suffering in the world. I felt ashamed for giving God so much grief and I started to mourn from my sins.

I came back from West Africa in the middle of July only to find out that I had put to much stock in a relationship and I realized that what I know was a done deal, was in fact a closed deal. Also it was a closed door and I lost one of my best friends. I started to mourn again, because of the truths in my life. I then moved to Memphis, TN alone and sacred.

Now possibly my title makes sense for some of you guys. I have come a long way. I have gone from Mo's (Midnight Oil) to Memphis, TN. In the past few months God has taught me amazing lessons. I have grown in this wilderness period and even though I may still be in wilderness I believe I am finally on the outskirts of it at least.

God often teaches me when I am on the edge, when I think life could not get any worse. God is the best teacher in my life and even at times of wilderness, suffering, and pain God has been there for me. In the past months, I have cried on my bed reading my Bible. In the past months, I have cried when saying goodbye to old friends who our praying for me. In the past months, I have cried at the death of people in my life. In the past months, I have cried because God is so good. Even, on the edge God provides.

God has given me friends in Memphis. God has given me amazing teachers and classes in Memphis. God has given me a job in the community in Memphis. God has given me a Christian community in Memphis. God also has shown me my faults and sins while being in Memphis and for the that especially I am grateful. God has answers so many of my prayers and I just pray God answers yours. Whatever is going on in your life, my prayer is you allow God to teach you through difficult and trying times.

Wandering Jew

2008-08-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

Time is an amazing concept. For example, time sometimes goes by quick, but it seems other times time goes by so slow. Yet, we all know these are just feelings and emotions we have about time. The real answer is time is always constant and never changing speeds.

A few months ago I sat in Midnight Oil and wrote about my life. Now here I sit again, sitting in the same chair, at the same place, in the same city, and I write about my life. Searcy, Arkansas is not my favorite place on Earth, it's pretty dull with little resources to our American perspective. However, I have spent 2 months in Africa this summer and to me now Searcy has many resources that most Africans could only dream of.

A few months ago I was dating the girl of my dreams and I was in live. Now it seems I wasn't and as I look back on it I feel foolish because I really thought I knew what love looked like and felt like and was. Now I'm single and I'm learning that time changes, not only perspectives, but it appears it changing people's feelings and thoughts, too. Now I guess I already knew that time changed people, if I look at myself a few years ago, heck a few months ago, I realize that I have changed.

I know what it's like to be completely alone. I know a few words today that I didn't know a feel months ago. I know what's it's like to feel broken, and totally embarrassed of the actions I have taken.

A few months I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Now I'm not quite sure. I had a plan to move to the states and spread the Gospel and be a preacher. Now I'm not sure if I have the tools to do that, or if I even want to. I'm changing and growing constantly daily and respectfully.

Recently a friend told me "You are going time of wilderness."

What does the wilderness look like? I'm not quite sure, yet. But I do know that the Israelites learned to be totally dependent on God during this period. They had to only gather food for one day at a time. They did not even know what they were eating, either. They really were clueless and just walked around. It's like they were in an airport and had no flights anywhere. They just watched everyone else board planes and go somewhere, while they wandered around. They were in the desert with little water and little to carry, because they had nothing. All they had were the clothes on their back and God on their side, who they were anger at.

Maybe this is me? I'm a wandering Jew trying to depend on God daily. I have only what I need to survive and God is the one who gives it to me, yet I couldn't tell you what I was eating, I just know I'm living if I eat it and I'm dead if I don't. All I know is God is on my side, yet I complain at him for how my life is going right now. I don't want to wander. I want to go back to past, the way things were.

Yet, God doesn't give answers to the Israelites and just tells them obey me and move on.

Maybe this is me?

Attitude

2008-07-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

As I was on Safari the past two days I saw Elephants charge my car. I saw monkeys swing in trees. I saw the beauty of Water Bucks and other animals. I was amazed at God's creation. Then I had an epiphany: God does not need credit for his work what he needs is for me to be HOPEFUL for his world.

I saw hope in the eyes of his people while I have been in Africa. I saw hope in the eyes of my friends as I hear them discuss their future dreams for Africa. And as I read and viewed pictures of my friends tonight I felt HOPE as an underlining feeling as I read their words.

In our circles of American Christianity I hear a lot of talk about the “fallen” world. I hear talk of the world being “evil”. I hear people say the human race is full of “sin” and “evil”. Yet, I do not believe God made an “evil” world. I do not believe the world is “fallen”. We live in the world that God created. I believe God created a world full of choices. Is our world “broken”? Yes. Did God create it this way? Many will say “NO”, God made a perfect world and then man came along and messed it up with his “sin” or “falleness”. However, this holds for me a situation in which our creator God is not wise enough to anticipate that sometimes “man” who produce a choice that he might not desire. This is a very low view of God, because we do not give him the benefit of the doubt that he could accurately predict what his creation might or might not do.

What is my point?

My point is God made the world with a certain level of uncertainty. He made the world where choice is apparent in every aspect. God created a world that gave man an ability to love him or not love him. He created a world that gave man freely the right to choose to obey or not obey. God’s world is broken, but it’s a broken world by design. If the world was not broken then how would God know what to do with man. Man’s opportunity everyday is to enter into a world of broken into which he (by design) is able to choose to help or hurt the world. The world is not fallen. The world is just as God designed it. God designed it to have people run the world. He gives each person the chance to help or hurt the world. If we can not recognize this ability sadly we have lost the essence of life.

Life is meant to be lived out here on earth. We must accept the responsibility that God gave to man. God designed us to take care of his creation. Are we doing a good enough job? Well that is a question worth asking? What should be our position be as we look at the world?

The world is full of skeptics. Many believe our world is a horrible place run by evil. Many Christians believe our world in fact is a place where Satan rules. Is this what our thoughts should be? Is this how Christians should look at the world? Well that is for you to decide. As for me I believe in an attitude that reflects the character of God. I will believe in the God that created me and told me to take care of his creation. God created me to change the world by my actions through his commandments and teaching. God created me to be…

HOPEFUL.

This is my emotion right now. I want to be a man that shows the world HOPE. I want to be HOPE to my friends. In a land where God is not known I pray Christians can give them HOPE. Whether I’m in America or Africa or Mali I must be HOPEFUL.

QUESTION:

If Christians can't provide hope for this world, then who will?

Credit

2008-07-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely moved by being here in Africa. I feel completely out of America. As I flip through Facebooks and blogs and websites of my friends tonight I developed a pain as I read the events going on in people's lives around me, yet not around me at all. I have to say I do not know who all reads this blog but I'm impressed by many of my friends right now. I want to be will all my friends tonight. I want to call you guys but I can't. Man it's crazy how disconnected I am from my best friends and family.

Yet, at the same time I feel extremely hopeful for the future. My life is full of people that always encourage me. I had solid friendships all around the world and for that I am motivated to keep embracing the experiences happening right here in Kara.

Being here in Kara, Togo has been amazing as I have grown to see how God is moving among the Kabiye people. I recently came back form a 10 day survey trip to Mali in a land where people need God. Jesus' name is now know in these parts and I it brings me to tears to think about that. Jesus is just a random phase to them. I long for them to hear the gospel and I wonder who will deliver the message to them. It's so sad that some live without God.

Without God I wouldn't be in Togo and I wouldn't know the people I know.

Without God who gets all the credit for all this beautiful creation?

Without God, how to people live and breath and have their being? Yet, God is so hopeful.

I look at this world and I just see that God made me to give this world life. God made me to take care of his beauty. This is displayed by how I treat his earth and how I treat his people. God believes in me and God gives me the power to do his work on earth, yet who do I give the credit to? Is it for me or him?

I'm extremely scatter brained right now because God has been placing so much on my heart.
Basically, everywhere I look I see God and it's so sad that I met people that didn't even know who God was. They are people who I met and talked with and they had no idea who I was and all I told them was I am a Christian. They know me as a Christian, that is my identity.

(Do my friends know this when they see me? Do I proclaim my Christianity to them?)

I know some do. I know some don't.

When they see me do something for them do they give credit to God for how rich I am or do they give credit to me?

This is a scary thought but I feel such a struggle. Man is to be glorying God constantly and I know I do not always do this but I really pray that I am able to honestly look at people and serve them for God not myself. Yet, how do I do this? If I can't speak their language and their culture.

Still I press on knowing that "to God be the glory in all things". I'm fortunate to be able to serve God's people in Africa and I will continue to HOPE in the future for all these nations.

Bonding

2008-06-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

As I write to you tonight from my laptop I have to admit I feel a little different. The past three nights I have slept on a floor that is surrounded by a mud hut and lived with Da Jah and his family. Da Jah did not speak English and I did not speak Kabiye, his local language, but the strange thing is we still grew close and become friends. I was impressed with his work ethic and his level I commitment to God. He is a Christian and I am a Christian and we would read together, sort of. I mean neither of us can speak a common language but we would open our Bibles and point out similar phases such as Jesus, God, and love. It took a lot of work talking with him and I was exhausted after the weekend but man it was worth every minute of it. I saw how he studied Eso Tom (God's word) and how he met with his neighbors to share his life and his message of belief: Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He would pray with his family every night. He had a son whom I formed a friendship with by talking and hiking and teaching English to him. It was special to be with Christians in Togo for me because I knew that we shared the share God even though we were vastly different in how we live and what we eat but still we are humans and humans can all relate.

Now I see how important it is to have a common language and I'm so blessed to be able to go home and share the message of Christ to the people I will live with in the future. I'm motivated to talk after spending three days not being able to. It was so impressive to see this guy work and work for God. On Sunday I had the chance to go to church with him and see him preach and teach. It was amazing. We took the Lord's supper and I even said the closing prayer. Also I gave a small coin and it was all I had. It was about 50 cents and yet that was the most that anyone gave. I felt odd because I didn't expect this. I thought this is just one coin, it means nothing to me, yet this coin will go far in a village that Da Jah lived in.

I'm so richly blessed to be alive and God is continuing to teach me here in Africa.

Four Virtues

2008-06-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

Africa has changed for me. I have established some familiar faces in this place now. I understand the Kabiye people slightly more. I do not feel as lost in the city of Kara anymore. I have experience the culture a little more. My comfort level is higher than a week ago. Yet so far my experiences have not led me to believe that I want to spend the rest of my life here or outside in the nation-state that I grew up in. I have been motivated to apply the concepts I'm learned about missions to the states. The "Theology of Missions" means more to me now than it ever has in the past. How does my sense of mission impact how I live my life. David Bosch says that the "Mother of Theology is Mission". I can not state it any clearer then that. My life needs to be lived with a sense of purpose. My drive in the world comes from missions, purpose, and what author Malcolm calls "the stickiness factor".
In order for my drive to make an impact, my life must be lived with purpose that effects other people, yet my words and works must "stick" with that person. How I live needs to be effective. If I have no "stickiness" I will never be a true Christian or follower of Christ. Theology is only for people. I want to spend my time thinking and studying God in order to lead more to Christ through him. I believe Jesus was someone that a friend would want to "stick" to. I want to be a person that people want to be around with. I want to be a person who can be trusted and respect. I want therefore to live by four virtues that I believe display my current view of the Theology of Mission. I want these four virtues to drive my life. These virtues I believe Jesus always used and therefore it's the best theology I have thought of in years. Here they are.

1. Be Kind
2. Be Honest
3. Be Humble
4. Be Courageous

If I look at Christ's life he had purpose and a "stickiness factor" because he obeyed all these virtues. He would say it in different ways, as the Jews did. For example, "Love the LORD with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Dr. Scott Peck would say a human must be "emotional/social, physical, spiritual, and mental/intellectual" do grow in all areas of life. Each person must choose for his own on what type of person they want to be. I want to be a person of Christ and I believe this four virtues add to my perspective on how I want to be in life.

Each day I will check myself by asking myself "Did I live out my theology today?".

Was I kind? Was I honest? Was I humble? Was I a man of courage?

Today I fell a bit backward, but tomorrow I pray will be different.

"Love can't change the past, but it can lead to a different future." - Gary Chapman

I want to be a man of the future and the future is now. I want God to change lives through me and this must start with God changing me.

A Little Off

2008-05-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

Africa has not been exactly what I thought it would be. I am staying in a house that is nicer than mine at home, yet I live in a city far different from Oshkosh, Searcy, or Jacksonville. The place that I'm staying at is truly wonderful, however, not just because I have a toilet, shower, and bed, though they are a blessing that I'm grateful for, but more so I'm blessed because of the people that live in the house.
I have had the experience of going to a village, learning some Kabiye (local dialect), climbing mountains, and meeting new people. I have never been more grateful for the resources I have in the states. We are so rich, physically. We are rich in medicine, shelter, clothing, and food. Yet in Kara I feel like they are rich in ones way that we are not. They are rich in relationships, because they actually have a community that communicates. Many neighborhoods in America have lost a sense of community. The Kabiye people eat as a community and garden as a community. They understand how to work together and that is powerful.
Relationships are greater than accomplishments. This a concept that I have always believed in, yet in Kara, Togo I am truly learning this. The power went out at my house yesterday night and the six of us in the dark room had a meaningful conversation and I loved it. Too many times I have lost the ability to talk with people that I do not know very well. However, starting this point in my life I want to take time to get to know more people deeply. When I have conversations i always try to look people in the eye. I want to truly care about all people, not just the ones like me. The children and and people in Togo have such big smiles and kind words. They want you to embrace them and love them, as they do to me. I pray I can continue to learn as I meet more and more people of God.

Watsing Time

2008-05-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting, waiting,waiting.

In a matter of days I will take the trip of a lifetime. Now a few years ago I went to Greece for three months and it was amazing, it was a trip of a lifetime as well, but I have to say I am more excited about my trip to Africa then the previous one. I have been wanting to travel overseas every since I came back. This trip will be even more of a challenge than the Greece trip for many reasons.

1. I will be away from indoor pumping, for the majority of the trip. (yeah, sweet huh?)
2. I do not speak the culture of Togo, Africa. (I am an American)
3. I do not know French. (the language of Togo)
4. It's close to the equator. (I'm a white boy from Oshkosh, Wisconsin)
5. I have a high chance of getting a terrible disease (but I did get my shots)
6. I will be away from family,friends, and of course, Mallory Barcus.

Yet, this will be an extremely rewarding experience and am blessed to have the ability to go to TOGO. I'm grateful for the God I serve. He will teach me as I continue my journey, called life.

being right

2008-05-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

As I was visiting with Grandpa Frazier tonight I was moved by his smile,laughter, and overall manor. He was filled with joy. He was so kind to the people around him. He did ever make a rude comment or gesture even though he disagreed with what was being done to him. He was being forced to do something he did not want to do. He did not need help, in his opinion. Yet, he was obedient and submission. He had an attitude of humility even though he did not want to. This attitude is lost to many of us. We often have people in our life that understand what we are growing through better than ourselves. My grandpa did not want to admit that others around him knew better than he. Unfortunately, most of us do not take up my grandfather's attitude. Most of us, myself included, do not want to admit we do not know the answers. We do not want to admit we are inadequate. People do need to be more submission, even if we think we have all the answers, we must be willing to accept the fact that we could be wrong.

When situations come in life, often it's the attitude,motive, and actions that determine the outcome. Now ideas and words do matter, but to use an old saying "it's not what you say sometimes, it's how you say." We need to have a opinion of submission in all things. We need to have adapt an attitude of humility, because this is the way mankind was meant to live. Mankind was created, I believe, by a being smarter,wiser,stronger than himself. Now being the lesser is difficult at times, but having the attitude of a lesser is the way God lived, when he was he on Earth. He did not "consider equality with holiness a power to be grasped, but took the attitude of humility, being in the very nature a servant" (Phil. 2). I believe this is how we should live as humans on this earth.

Being right, is not the point of life. Getting our way is not the point in life. Life is not about me, it's about "we". I truly believe that my attitude of not wanting my way has increased my days of living on this earth. I am not overly concerned about getting my way, because I do not care. I really have enjoyed life a lot more when I am not concerned about my wants all the times. Sometimes just being humble and giving up my pride goes a long way. I would not have the relationships I have today if I did not give up and let people do what they want sometimes. We must be willing to sacrifice to truly have a life worth living. Until we learn this, I'm convinced we'll be unsatisfied and stressed.

Take a page from my grandpa and simple let the other person have their way and just be joyful to live. Joy can go a long way. Humility can go a long way. I have always found that it's more blessed to give than receive so be blessed and give of your time, and your right to always be right.

connectors

2008-05-14T20:40:00.001-07:00

As I continue to read Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point I am inspired. The chapter I read today discussed connectors, who are people that bring people together. I was educated on how people really are connected to each other. Malcolm shares a story of how a friend conducted an experience of sending an individual letter to 160 people in Omaha,Nebraska and told them to send them as close as they could to a stockbroker in Boston,Massachusetts. Through the story it turns out that 24 of the letters made the trek all the way and the letters all were given by three common individuals- Mr.Jones, Mr. Brown, Mr. Jacobs. Gladwell calls this the "law of the few".

He conducts tests like this all over America, but he has come to find that some people have a knack for remember people and knowing people. He discusses how "connectors" remember names better and longer. He tells of how some people just know everyone. He runs tests of a list of last names and sometimes the "connectors" can match the names, of faces, of up to 90%. Some people just are amazing with people. It's as if they were designed to meet and greet. As if something within them focuses them to be a people-person and to love all kinds of people, know matter what social class they are in.

This a talent that few people have, but I believe this is probably one of my talents. As I think about my life I have fell in love with all types of people. I am impressed by the white and blue collars of the world. I'm interested in discovering all types of new environments, cultures, and ideas. I have traveled all across this nation and to other nations, such as Israel, Turkey, Egypt, Greece, Italy, and Austria. I am about to live in Togo, Africa and visit Morocco. I feel like I was built to connect people. I have worked job that travel all over the states and spent time in all parts of the world. I love people whatever I go.

Now, I write this, because I want us to all be "connectors" if we are Christians. Christians and all humans, are meant to be relational and to be all about the people. After graduating from Harding I realized that I have left a large group of friends,professors, and family that I will miss dearly, yet I am excited to continue to meet and greet new faces. God has created me to be all about people; my prayer is all people will learn to value relationships as I have come to value them and ultimately as God has created us to value them.

As much as

2008-05-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

Confidence in yourself is a must-have.

I see the ads on TV for “must-have” items and they usually are for some knife that cuts through a shoe and I mean you got to have that. How could you live without a knife that can cut through a shoe? A “must-have” item in life is confidence in you. Without confidence in you, you die or at least you walk around dead. When I say “dead” I mean you have no real way of happiness or joy. However, I used to view this philosophy of walking “joyfully” as a worldly answer. I should not live for joy. I should have live to please my own happiness. However, I picked up my Bible the other night and I was reading Philippians and Paul said something like this “take care of others AS MUCH AS yourself...” Wait a minute?

Paul is saying I must take care of myself. That is lost in my philosophy. Part of taking care of me is having confidence. I “must-have” confidence in myself or I will not be about to take care of others. If I’m here to serve God and others, THEN I must take care of myself first or AS MUCH AS. Science comes to mind when I heard an IF.THEN statement and life sometimes is as simple as science, math, equations, and formulas. I wish I could simple get this equation memorized. If I do not memorize this one, I will never LIVE. PERIOD.

MEMORIZE THIS EQUATION: CONFIDENCE = GOD LOVES YOU.

Now as I flip a few pages through my Bible I read in 1 Timothy “for God did not give us a timid heart”. I should not live in fear or insecurity. I turn to Hebrews to read this, “approach God’s throne with CONFIDENCE”. God wants us to come to him in confidence and God wants us to live with CONFIDENCE.

TO WALK WITH CONFIDENCE.

“to not be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ”.

Paul even says “I am nothing without Christ”. Paul says “I’m the worst of sinners”. I, too, am a sinner. However, I also hurt God when I live a timid life, when I live in fear of others, when I walk in shame, and when I live WITHOUT confidence in me.

When Peter walks out on the water he wants to be like Jesus. He is being a good disciple. A disciple “DOES WHAT THE RABBI DOES”. Peter is doing right. He walks on water as Jesus does. Then Peter sees the wind and waves and doubts HIMSELF. Jesus asks him “why did you doubt?” Jesus is saying PETER DON”T DOUBT YOURSELF I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. I love the fact we have faith in God, but guess what? God has faith in YOU and ME and US. God calls us to be his disciple and “DO WHAT HE DOES”.

THAT IS WHERE CONFIDENCE COMES FROM. Confidence comes from being a follower of Christ.

"FOR WE KNOW AND RELY ON THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR US." John 4:16

The last two weeks

2008-05-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I rest and relax in the comfort of my own home I am at peace. Recently, as in the past 24 hours, I have graduated from college and taken a 14 hour road trip home to visit my friends that helped mold me into the young man I am today. Life can be pretty overwhelming at times and as I sat through my graduating yesterday I hardly felt that it was real. I felt as if I was in a dream and I was going to wake up from it soon. The past two weeks have blur of packing for Africa, studying for final exams, and writing papers. Also during the past two weeks I said farewell to my best friends, who consist of professors, roommates, and family members. The weeks were exhausting and stressful, yet joyful and inspiring. I spent many hours researching the purposes for the Gospel of Mark, post-modernism, and Luke's view of reversal theology. This moments were stressful yet I was inspired by the lessons I learned as I wrote my thoughts down on paper. Also I felt a sense of joy as I walked across the stage to receiver my degree in the college of Bible and Religion from Harding University. I have loved my life to this point and everything in my past two weeks have been a summary of my life thus far. I have worked, studied, laughed, cried, and wrote my thoughts on paper, to be read by friends in my life. Now it so happens that the past two weeks I have been working on writing the story of the end of my college life. Some say the college years are the "best years of your life", but I sorely disagree. I have only just begun my story and I will continue to write my story as I travel to Togo, Africa this summer and then start graduate school in the fall in Memphis, Tennessee. I have to embrace by new experiences lately, such as graduating college and saying goodbye to my extremely cute girlfriend, and I have many new experiences to look forward to, such as graduate school and interning in Africa. Yet, life is constantly moving and I can't wait to keep writing my story.