Wandering Jew

Time is an amazing concept. For example, time sometimes goes by quick, but it seems other times time goes by so slow. Yet, we all know these are just feelings and emotions we have about time. The real answer is time is always constant and never changing speeds.

A few months ago I sat in Midnight Oil and wrote about my life. Now here I sit again, sitting in the same chair, at the same place, in the same city, and I write about my life. Searcy, Arkansas is not my favorite place on Earth, it's pretty dull with little resources to our American perspective. However, I have spent 2 months in Africa this summer and to me now Searcy has many resources that most Africans could only dream of.

A few months ago I was dating the girl of my dreams and I was in live. Now it seems I wasn't and as I look back on it I feel foolish because I really thought I knew what love looked like and felt like and was. Now I'm single and I'm learning that time changes, not only perspectives, but it appears it changing people's feelings and thoughts, too. Now I guess I already knew that time changed people, if I look at myself a few years ago, heck a few months ago, I realize that I have changed.

I know what it's like to be completely alone. I know a few words today that I didn't know a feel months ago. I know what's it's like to feel broken, and totally embarrassed of the actions I have taken.

A few months I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Now I'm not quite sure. I had a plan to move to the states and spread the Gospel and be a preacher. Now I'm not sure if I have the tools to do that, or if I even want to. I'm changing and growing constantly daily and respectfully.

Recently a friend told me "You are going time of wilderness."

What does the wilderness look like? I'm not quite sure, yet. But I do know that the Israelites learned to be totally dependent on God during this period. They had to only gather food for one day at a time. They did not even know what they were eating, either. They really were clueless and just walked around. It's like they were in an airport and had no flights anywhere. They just watched everyone else board planes and go somewhere, while they wandered around. They were in the desert with little water and little to carry, because they had nothing. All they had were the clothes on their back and God on their side, who they were anger at.

Maybe this is me? I'm a wandering Jew trying to depend on God daily. I have only what I need to survive and God is the one who gives it to me, yet I couldn't tell you what I was eating, I just know I'm living if I eat it and I'm dead if I don't. All I know is God is on my side, yet I complain at him for how my life is going right now. I don't want to wander. I want to go back to past, the way things were.

Yet, God doesn't give answers to the Israelites and just tells them obey me and move on.

Maybe this is me?